My Saving Grace

My first blog...never thought i'd be doing this, mainly because i don't like when people know how i feel and that's basically what a blog is for. I feel like whenever people know how you really feel they find a way to use it against you. Its like your feelings are your biggest weakness and as soon as they show, people can use them to tear you down before you even realize what is going on; and once your feelings are out, there is nothing more you can do but wait and hope that everything's going to be just fine. So...I find it hard to share my feelings, which may hurt me more than anything else. I tend to hold people back; i keep my distance because distance is what makes me comfortable. To get close to someone means going out of my comfort zone, and thats not something i like to do. I have gotten very close to some very special people in my life...my amazing friends. I don't know what i did to deserve them but, no matter how cliche it sounds, they have always been and will always be there for me. These are the people the know my true feelings, the ones that didn't care about the guard i keep up, they were determined to get past it...and they did. These girls showed me that you have to let your feelings show. They showed me that yes, letting people know how you feel doesn't always end well but not letting people know how you feel can end even worse. The worst thing to lose a person over is fear; fear that they won't except you when they know how you feel; fear of rejection once the truth comes out; fear fear fear fear. Its stupid really, you could run in circles for the rest of your life, letting this fear hold you back, or you could let people in knowing rejection is possible but the chance that you will be accepted is so worth it. i have a feeling this whole blog thing is gonna be good for me...not like facebook where there are critics everywhere. At this point in my life i don't know who i am or where i'm going or any of that stuff, and the last thing i need is people judging me while i'm trying to figure all this stuff out. All i know is that the grace of God saves me. Without it who knows where i'd be. It's my saving grace...